Warning

(by Jenny Joseph)

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit

merry-1162081_640
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
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Who Will You Be When You Grow Up?

Or if that’s too hard a question to ask, the future being a far and mysterious place, who do you think you’ll look like?
Old woman in Kyrgyzstan (2010)I myself expect that when I get well and truly old I will look like Nanny Ogg, of whom it is said in Lords and Ladies that “time had left her with a body that could only be called comfortable and a face like Mr Grape the Happy Raisin.”
Except I hope to have a) more teeth and b) fewer husbands.

A Knitter’s Guide to Decluttering

Or, as it is known in knitting parlance, decreasing.

There are several different decreases available to the knitter, and each one gives us a different idea for how to downsize and declutter.

K2tog (knit two together)
A simple decrease: if you have two the same, get rid of one. Or as John the Baptist put it,  whoever has two coats should give one to someone who has none (Luke 3:11). Martin of Tours went one better and divided by two despite starting with only one.

Wilwisheim StMartin 40-03This decrease also works if you have two things that, while different, can serve the same function. Chuck out your garlic crusher; keep a knife.

P2tog (purl two together)
This decrease works very much like the K2tog; except that you approach the stuff from a different angle. Change your perspective (whether physically or mentally) and see what looks unnecessary from there.

K3tog (or P3tog)
This decrease is also on the same principle as the K2tog, except you start with triplicates instead of duplicates. It can also be extended to quadruplicates or quintuplicates if you really have far too many of something.

Sl1, K1, psso (slip one, knit one, pass slipped stitch over)
This is a good decrease for those who enjoy rearranging their furniture: move things around and you will see your excess more clearly.

Daniel Hochsteiner
Why do I need more x than will fit in that shelf? Why have I kept that pile of y all these years? If I got rid of the z, then I could have my abc here to hand…

Sl1, K2tog, psso (slip one, knit two together, pass slipped stitch over)
This is a decrease that looks very complex and impressive, but is really just a combination of two of the preceding methods. Take it step by step and you will find you have made twice the reduction.

P2tog tbl (purl two together through back loops)
This is the decrease that looks impossible at first glance. I mean, how could I… I’d have to…. No, I don’t think I can. But give it a go (watch your tension), don’t give up, and you’ll be surprised at what you actually can do.

Drop stitch
This is an extreme form of decrease, to be sure. It will leave a hole, and may have spreading consequences… Drop-stitch shawl - corner…and yet for all that, it may produce a more beautiful result. Always providing, of course, that it is done intentionally.

What decreases do you use? Have I missed some? Please share in the comments!